"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
