All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
