what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry about my life...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
