i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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