Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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