Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
