i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
