I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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