The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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