She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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