Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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