My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Barsexuality is the new black.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
