I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
