wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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