Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
