wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
