I am spending my child support on dildos
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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