I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my sisters under your porch take her home
it's like iHOP with fire
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
