Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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