we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Come see our sink grown plant.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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