worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
