I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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