Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
me + whiskey = a bad person
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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