THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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