eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
