i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
