Cold hands, warm shart.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
