so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
