A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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