weddingsv make me drug and hornr
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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