Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
