Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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