Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
