Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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