A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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