he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
