Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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