I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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