worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
