we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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