They should really pass out barf bags in church
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
