Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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