His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we're making bets on your personal life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
