You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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