Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
