I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
