Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
