I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
