Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
