after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
